If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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