I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
