Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
