put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
