I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
