So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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