2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
there is puke in my bra ... again
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
