My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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