Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
