make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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