Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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