Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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