New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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