yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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