he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
