Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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