I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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