I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need to sanitize my soul.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
