so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
