Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
