He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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