I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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