I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
