At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
