i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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