I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
