My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My life is pants optional.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
