We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
