some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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