Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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