I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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