i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
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