my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
