i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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