One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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