Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
