dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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