if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
