I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize