Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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