and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The struggles of a small town man whore
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
