Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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