I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
