you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
