i can't believe i had my finger in that
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
