Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
