Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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