Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
