he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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