I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
