i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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