Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
