oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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