So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
