My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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