Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
