you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we're so committed to being not committed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
