tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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