I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
