Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
