We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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