did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
