when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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