i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
