he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
