If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The air was thick with penises
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
