he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
PANTIES FOUND
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