it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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