The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
