I'm lost and stupid without you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
